Backstory

midlifebookcrisis81,

BACKSTORY; or

The Reasons and Other Potentially Boring Stuff

SHORT ANSWER

The short, slightly cliched answer is that I am writing a book and I want to take a closer look at stories, story structure, character development, yada, yada.

LONG ANSWER

The longer answer is slightly more multifaceted.  

Facet 1.

While the above remains true, I also find myself at a certain point in my life where my children are in school and I have some hours in my day that I get to direct.  Some of that time is taken up working on my book and subsequent series, but I find I can only keep to that task for a few hours, before other responsibilities begin to creep in my periphery.  

Facet 2.

I feel guilty sitting and reading during the week when my kids are at school.  I feel like I should be doing “things” and reading is sadly, not one of those “things.” 

A little bit of context here, for the last five and a half years, my husband and I owned and operated an Inn.  If I’m not making breakfast or doing laundry or scrubbing toilets or running around to meet vendors and buy food or on mom duty, then I feel like I’m being lazy.  I acknowledge, this is totally a me problem.

Facet 3.

I have a new office with lovely built-in bookcases, filled with books that for the most part I have not read.  This makes me sad and also, if I’m honest, slightly anxious.  I bought these books, mostly second hand, because they sounded cool, I thought I’d enjoy it, or the cover was so pretty I couldn’t resist.  Now these treasures mock me.  I worry that I’m not smart enough to understand these books, either the world building, or the themes, or the plots.  To be clear, I mostly have genre/general fiction on my shelves, not erudite philosophy or dense non-fiction.  Also, horror of horrors, what happens if I read a book that everyone seems to love and I don’t love it?  Anxiety.  Again, I completely acknowledge this is a me problem.  

NOW WHAT

So, I find myself in this new chapter in my life, where I have time (and guilt), I have books, but I no longer know what I like to read.  I’m a little bit terrified to explore, but my 40s seem to be about rediscovering many aspects in my life and my person.  No more worries and self-doubt.  That is what I want my 40s to be about, so I’m cleaning up my new office, clearing out my bookshelves, and taking notes.  I wanted to share my journey because maybe there is someone else out there going through something similar, similar self-doubt or similar life circumstances and you want to follow along or maybe challenge yourself.  

My challenge is to rediscover what I like and what I don’t like in my reading.  How have my reading tastes changed since my twenties?  I’m guessing quite a bit. I get to tell those inner voices that circle too much – guilt and anxiety – to shove it. And I get to bring order and organization out of chaos, which I love.  I’m going to whip this bookcase and office into shape, so feel free to follow along.  I’ll talk more specifics about my #TBRChallenge in the next post.

Thank you for taking the time to read this backstory.  Hope it wasn’t too boring.  

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